I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
