Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
