yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
