If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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