I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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