New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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