I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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