remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
