When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
