I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
