Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
