just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize