He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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