From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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