i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
