You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
