Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
