I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
