Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
