Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
