Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
