So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
