I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
