What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
