He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
