you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
