Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
