Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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