i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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