he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
