I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
