I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
