Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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