The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
