i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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