Quick, to the slutcave!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
