they need to just BURY HIM!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
