I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize