Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
