I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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