This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
