i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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