I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize