the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
