i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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