I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
