I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
