I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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