Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
