two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
