Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize