It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
