1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
