DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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