I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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