you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
