she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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