we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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