boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
