she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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