i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
