Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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