YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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