Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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