HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
