oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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