Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
