My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
