Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We have started to decorate penises.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
