The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
