Yo dont text me then not text me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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