it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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