I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
