What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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