he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
