I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
